Have I avoided fancy, flowery and formal language?
Eg. 1.
In the light of the extent, scale, range and immeasurable complexity of the uncertainties that persist on the economic front, we conclude, having evaluated the country's mid-to-long-term prospects, that multifarious scenarios could yet unfold.
With so much uncertainty surrounding the economy, anything could happen.
Eg. 2.
Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.
People aren't necessarily born successful.
Eg. 3.
Delta Air Lines has implemented a number of new initiatives to boost ticket sales on domestic routes.
Delta Air Lines has taken steps to boost ticket sales on domestic routes.
Delta Air Lines is trying to boost ticket sales on domestic routes.
|
Is my writing tight?
Eg. 1.
I will provide you with an update by the end of the day.
I will update you by the end of the day.
I'll update you today.
Eg. 2.
The specific point I am seeking to make is that the colours red and grey go well together.
The point / am seeking to make is that the colours red and grey go well together.
My point is that the colours red and grey go well together.
The colours red and grey go well together.
Red and grey go well together.
Red and grey match.
Eg. 3.
I am seeking a new job at this moment in time.
I am seeking a new job at this time.
I'm seeking a new job.
Eg. 4.
If there are any points on which you require explanation or further particulars we shall be glad to furnish such additional details as may be required by telephone.
If you have any questions, please phone.
Eg. 5.
I will take your proposal into consideration.
I'll consider your proposal.
Short forms
At the present time... now or currently
Exhibits a tendency to... tends to
In view of the fact that... because
A large number of... many
|
Do I avoid using redundant words?
Eg 1.
As Bob opened his present, he got an unexpected surprise: inside the box was the red shirt he'd always wanted.
As Bob opened his present, he got a surprise: inside the box was the red shirt he'd always wanted.
Eg. 2.
The project, a joint collaboration between two rival firms, was a huge success.
The project, a collaboration between two rival firms, was a huge success.
Eg. 3.
Michael's boss summoned Paul to his office to discuss the department's future plans.
Michael's boss summoned Paul to his office to discuss the department's plans.
Eg. 4.
Passive sentences harm not only clarity but also simplicity and evocativeness as well.
Passive sentences harm not only clarity but also simplicity and evocativeness.
Passive sentences harm not only clarity but simplicity and evocativeness as well.
Eg. 5.
The athlete, born in China, set a new record at the last Olympics.
The athlete, born in China, set a record at the last Olympics.
|
Have I used any needlessly long words?
Eg. 1.
Hema's manner of talking demonstrated a disregard for social graces.
Hema's way of talking showed a disregard for social graces.
Eg. 2.
Section 2.5 of the document demonstrates the manner in which surfaces are expected to be cleaned after use.
Section 2.5 of the document shows the way surfaces should be cleaned after use.
Eg. 3.
I plan to go shopping today and acquire a new pair of shoes.
I plan to go shopping today and buy a new pair of shoes.
Eg. 4.
Every day, I commence my journey to work on the bus before boarding a train.
Every day, I start my journey to work on the bus before boarding a train.
|
Have I gone into too much detail?
Have I gone into too much detail or given too many examples or explanations?
Hydraulic fracking, or "fracking," is the process of drilling into the ground and injecting fluid at a high pressure in order to fracture shale rocks to release the natural gas inside them. Since the rocks tend to be buried deep within the earth, the gas is brought to the surface through pipes that often have to pass through water systems — where there is the danger of the gas contaminating the water supply as it is extracted.
Fracking, a process where natural gas is sucked from deeply buried rocks, can be hazardous to the environment if extracted vapour leaks into the water supply as it's pumped to the earth's surface.
|
Do I use any double negatives without good reason?
Eg. 1
He was not certain that he would not make a mess of it.
He thought he might make a mess of it.
He worried he might make a mess of it.
Eg. 2
It wasn't that John didn't care about Jenny; he just didn't love her.
John cared about Jenny, but he didn't love her.
|
Have I described any entities in a longwinded way?
Eg. 1
Air New Zealand's international longhaul flights division is doing a lot better.
Air New Zealand's longhaul division is doing a lot better.
Eg. 2
This is the US company's first overseas partnership since it acquired Italian gourmet food concept store chain Gourmet Foods.
This is the US company's first overseas partnership since it acquired Italy's Gourmet Foods chain.
Eg. 3
Malcolm Turnbull became leader of the Commonwealth of Australia in 2015.
Malcolm Turnbull became Australia's leader in 2015.
Eg. 4
Chinese Visitors Boost Heathrow Airport Traffic Volumes
Chinese Visitors Boost Heathrow Airport Traffic
(OR) Chinese Boost Heathrow Airport Traffic
|
Have I avoided ceremony-capitalising words?
Have I avoided pointless ceremony — such as capitalising words?
Eg. 1
North Korea's repeated Nuclear tests have been trying the Chinese Government's patience.
North Korea's repeated nuclear tests have been trying the Chinese government's patience.
Eg. 2
India's Central Bank kept Interest Rates on hold this month.
India's central bank kept interest rates on hold this month.
Eg. 3
The victory, on this occasion, went to Manchester United Football Club.
The victory, on this occasion, went to Manchester United football club.
NOT: The victory went to manchester united football club on this occasion.
Eg. 4
The Treasury, the Central Bank and the Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, together expressed concern over the high Australian Dollar and the stress it is causing to the Nation's manufacturers.
The treasury, the central bank and the prime minister, Malcolm Turnbull, together expressed concern over the high Australian dollar and the stress it is causing to the nation's manufacturers.
Eg. 5
Michael Dent, Vice President of Michelin Magnets, resigned today.
Michael Dent, vice president of Michelin Magnets, resigned today.
|
Do I unnecessarily repeat any ideas or points?
Original.
Five new contestants will be selected before the end of June to take part in next season's Top Chef, after several participants — including Tom Pickle, Sophie Ding and Ram Chet — abruptly quit the show in March. The programme's London-based producer, Mark Sanders, told reporters on Monday that executives on the show were working hard to identify suitable contestants to replace the five dropouts, who he said had sadly departed on bad terms. "We're determined to get the highest-quality contestants to make up for the talent lost," Mark Sanders said on Monday. He added: "We expect to declare our new contestants by the end of June, of which there will be five in total." Pickle, Ding and Chet left the show back in March amid disagreements with its producer, Sanders, over the amount of prize money to be awarded to next season's winner of Top Chef, a popular primetime programme produced in London.
1st revision
Pickle, Ding and Chet left the show back in March amid disagreements with its producer, Sanders, over the amount of prize money to be awarded to next season's winner of Top Chef, a popular primetime programme produced in London.
Pickle, Ding and Chet left the show amid disagreements with its producer over the amount of prize money to be awarded to next season's winner of Top Chef, a popular primetime programme.
Pickle, Ding and Chet left the show amid disagreements with its producer over the amount of prize money to be awarded to the winner of Top Chef, a popular primetime programme.
Pickle, Ding and Chet left the show amid disagreements with its producer over the amount of prize money to be awarded to the winner of the popular primetime programme.
2nd revision
Five new contestants will be selected before the end of June to take part in next season's Top Chef, after several participants —including Tom Pickle, Sophie Ding and Ram Chet — abruptly quit the show in March.
The programme's London-based producer, Mark Sanders, told reporters on Monday that executives on the show were working hard to identify suitable contestants to replace the five dropouts, who he said had sadly departed on bad terms.
"We're determined to get the highest-quality contestants to make up for the talent lost," Sanders said.
Pickle, Ding and Chet left the show amid disagreements with its producer over the amount of prize money to be awarded to the winner of the popular primetime programme.
|
Do any sentences carry thoughts that are too long?
Do any sentences carry thoughts that are too long, or are any weighed down with sub clauses?
Eg. 1.
Tom Cruise has confirmed rumours that a sequel to 1986 classic Top Gun is in the works, with filming to begin "probably in the next year," he revealed, while on a promotional tour for his upcoming film Mummy, telling Australian morning show Sunrise, "It is definitely happening."
Breaking Down
1/ Tom Cruise has confirmed rumours that a sequel to 1986 classic Top Gun is in the works.
2/ Filming is to begin "probably in the next year," he said.
3/ He revealed the news while on a promotional tour for his upcoming film, Mummy.
4/ He told Australian morning show Sunrise, "It is definitely happening."
Revision 1
Tom Cruise has confirmed rumours that a sequel to 1986 classic Top Gun is in the works, with filming to begin "probably in the next year." Cruise revealed the news while on a promotional tour for his upcoming film, Mummy, telling Australian morning show Sunrise, "It is definitely happening."
Revision 2
Tom Cruise has confirmed rumours that a sequel to 1986 classic Top Gun is in the works. Filming will begin "probably in the next year," he revealed, while on a promotional tour for his upcoming film, Mummy. Cruise told Australian morning show Sunrise, "It is definitely happening."
Revision 3
Tom Cruise has confirmed rumours that a sequel to 1986 classic Top Gun is in the works. Filming will begin "probably in the next year," he revealed. Cruise made the remarks while on a promotional tour for his upcoming film, Mummy. He told Australian morning show Sunrise that the sequel was "definitely happening."
Eg. 2.
Honda faces growing competition in the US, where economic conditions remain weak, from Mazda, a rival from Japan. Mazda recently teamed up with Ford, a North American automobile manufacturer, whose earnings have been severely dented by Europe's debt crisis.
1/ ...where economic conditions remain weak
2/ ...a rival from Japan
3/..a North American automobile manufacturer...
Honda faces growing competition from Japanese rival Mazda in the US, where economic conditions remain weak. Mazda recently teamed up with North American carmaker Ford, whose earnings have been severely dented by Europe's debt crisis.
|
Do I avoid using implied words?
Eg 1.
He vowed to carry out an investigation of the criminal gang's activities.
He vowed to investigate the criminal gang's activities.
He vowed to investigate the criminal gang.
Eg. 2.
The room was quite dark and dimly lit.
The dimly lit room was quite dark.
Eg. 3
Nokia continues to maintain a close watch on regulatory developments.
Nokia continues to watch regulatory developments.
|
Have I avoided ceremony — excessive punctuation?
Have I avoided pointless ceremony — excessive punctuation - comma or quote marks around them unnecessarily?
Eg. 1
Should the worst-case scenario, in fact, unfold, it would be impossible, unfortunately, in this instance, to guarantee, in a reasonable amount of time, the safe passage of the refugees, despite our best intentions.
Should the worst-case scenario, in fact, unfold it would be impossible unfortunately, in this instance, to guarantee in a reasonable amount of time the safe passage of the refugees, despite our best intentions.
(OR) Should the worst-case scenario in fact unfold, it would be impossible in this instance, unfortunately, to guarantee in a reasonable amount of time the safe passage of the refugees, despite our best intentions.
Eg. 2
The "controversy" surrounding this year's Pride march is difficult to comprehend.
The controversy surrounding this year's Pride march is difficult to comprehend.
Eg. 3
There is a real danger that the banking system will collapse if the "political interference" we are seeing continues.
There is a real danger that the banking system will collapse if the political interference we are seeing continues.
|
|
