Build Teams Use the Cues of Deception Cheat Sheet (DRAFT) by [deleted]

In her book, “Liesp­ott­ing,” author Pamela Meyer delves into the cues of deception while culling advice from deception recogn­ition experts on the telltales of lying—and how little lies lead to trust and team building. In this first instal­lment of our “Liar, Liar” series, learn why lying is actually an integral part of developing and mainta­ining positive business relati­onships and peer-t­o-peer connec­tions

The power of a lie happens at buy-in. Sometimes, it’s a conscious buy-in like saving face for the sake of social dignity, e.g. pretending not to know about “much ado gossip” or a client’s recent misfor­tune. Letting people off the hook for these is really about acknow­ledging our own imperf­ect­ions. And in business, that can be a good thing that actually builds long-term relati­ons­hips. Destru­ctive lies are also cooper­ative. Even when we’re unaware that we are being deceived human nature dictates that we constantly parse out the truth to suit our own needs.

Strangers, like many of the attendees at your meetings, incentives and conven­tions, tend to lie at least three times in the first 10 minutes of meeting. Why? Research shows that lying bridges the gap of who we are with who we want to be and how we want to be seen.

Scient­ifi­cally speaking, the more intell­igent a species is the larger its neocortex (where higher­-order brain functions take place) and its capacity for lying. Learning the comple­xities of lying is somewhat of a rite of passage from the time we are babies to our college years—fake cries, the art of concea­lment, bluffs, lies, flattery, cover-ups. Men tend to lie eight times more about themselves than to other people; women lie more to protect other people; extroverts lie more than introverts and married couples lie to each other in one out of every 10 intera­ctions. Lying, in a sense, is a form of survival. This surviv­alist instinct carries over to your business intera­ctions quite naturally.

Freud said it best: “No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his finger­tips.” Lies are really a trail of breadc­rumbs that lead to truth. And, being a species that is downright masterful at self-d­ece­ption almost ensures that we’re not always in control of our lies. Freud said the uncons­cious mind (the foundation of 90 percent of our human intera­ctions) acts as a repository or cauldron for primitive wishes and impulses. This means that even calculated lies have a background story that is mostly unknown to the one who tells them. Your job is to scoop out those wishes with a spoon to give attendees what they really want and need from your event.